Im sorry officer it wont happen again...

When it comes to being pulled over by a cop, iv tried it all...
Due to my ride being so gangster and attracting so much attention naturally i get pulled over on a frequent basis. It doesnt help that a big boobed chick is driving it. You'd seriously be suprised at how often i get asked if its stolen or my boyfriends. "Ahh no officer its not stolen, yes im maori but im the nice kind." and "I dont have a boyfriend but your kinda cute."

Over the last year my ahh fines have gotten a bit up there. You name any minor fine you can get with a car and i probably have it. Speeding camera x 5, No rego x 3, Parking ticket x3, Caught speeding by an officer x2, no seatbelt x1, no brake lights x2, driving in a bus lane x1. No im not a shit driver, im just not a very sneaky one.

This one time i got pulled over by a police officer when i was following my friend to go sell his car up north. He had sped off and i was attempting to keep up with him by going a small 10km over the limit. Well, you know how it goes. I saw the blue and red lights in my mirror and my heart sped up and car slowed down and pulled off onto the gravel. To make it a little worse i pulled onto the gravel a little to fast and it did a cute little skid. Officer didnt like it i dont think. As i sat in the car waiting for him i realised i had no rego! I dug into my handbag grabbed my lippy, foundation and hair brush and applied and combed everything into place. Yes i was doing what id seen in the movies. Attempting to get out of a ticket by flirting. It went a little something like this.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Bex: About eighty five i think sir? My speedo is sometimes out. (Flutters eyes)
Cop: You were going 91km. Thats 11km over the speed limit miss. Licence please?
Bex: (Time for the sympathy vote) Oh wow, i never speed. My boyfriend said he would fix the speedo but then he dumped me (Lets out little whimper)
Cop: Miss, your licence?
Bex: (Mumbling) Shit balls, piece of crap, son of a...
Cop: (Walks around car once) Did you know your rego is out to?
Bex: Oh no! My ex partner always took care of that, im so sorry officer ill get onto it straight away..

Well the cop starts writing out the ticket and i decide to try my luck out.

Bex: Have you been busy today sir? How long have you been a police officer for? I didnt know police men were getting so good looking. You dont look a day over twenty five. So young but doing so good for our country.

The corniness continued and with every line coming out of my mouth the redder in the face i became. I couldnt believe i was speaking such bullshit to try to get out of a 300 dollar fine. He smiled a little and made polite conversation back but i could tell he had seen it all before. My fines are now paid off... almost, and hopefully i will never have more than two fines at one time again because its not easy on the pocket at all!

Im a poet and i dont know it!

Friends are there to laugh and cry
Friends should never say goodbye.
They know when somethings wrong
When your lost and drunk they'll search far and long.

Friends will tell you when you look like shit,
They'll take you shopping and dance with you till your fit.
When you jump off a bus and coma on the grass
They will point, laugh and take photos of you on your arse.

Friends will sing with you to a certain song,
They'll take the piss out of you and influence the wrong.
Sometimes friends will make you cry,
Youll kiss and make up and have a few wines.

My friends, they're awesome, even when they laugh at me,
The crazy bond we have is something no one else will ever see.
We drink to much and take to many photos,
Some are committed and some ride solo.

Without those girls id go insane,
No inappropriate conversations or time to be vain.
The fun, the drunk, the unexplained will go on,
But the crazy love we share will never be gone.

La Premiere

So, its that time of year again for all us dancers at eight count, formerly known as "nickys school of dance". This years show is called La Premiere and its going to be a goody. We havent just had teachers choreograph the show this year but also students have come in and choreographed dances to teach to other students. Its been great to watch some of them and see the amazing moves they come up with.

The theme for this show is dance movie theme songs or popular songs used in dance movies. So from "iv had the time of my life" to "i believe" or "fame", this show is gunna be big one. You will be able to bop along to the familiar tracks and give a yell for the people you know so there really isnt any reason to not come and watch it.

Tickets are 20 dollars. The show dates are 1st 2nd and 3rd of july and its at pukekohe harrington hall, also known as ploc theatre. Would be great to see you all there! I just hope i dont hear any inappropriate comments yelled out from my friends!

Just like a banana!

So i had a special request on what to blog about... Its disgustingly dirty so people under the age of 18 please turn around now. Jessica Foote this is for you.

The idea for this post came after a rather raunchy lunch date with some of my best mates Kim Bex and Jess. We were sitting outside Starbucks casually talking about sex, having not a lot of consideration for the people walking by us. This topic for us girls is the norm. Its a little weird if one day goes by without talking about it at least once. So after our coffee we decided sushi was the next stop and on the way, out of the blue, i get the most random question directed to me that i had had all week. Jess decides to ask a very inappropriate but oh so hilarious question about (code language coming in) if i can give her tips on how to eat a banana! Hopefully you get where im coming from, if you dont, your too young so hit the back button on your laptop kids. We are about to enter an r18 experience.

Top five tips on how to eat a banana:

1. Never rush straight into it, start with the tip and hold the rest firmly so it doesn't slip.
2. After a bit go as far down as possible. Big gulps are good!
3. Stop eating the banana every now and then and switch to a couple of plums. (If you know what i mean)
4. Sometimes licking up the side can give you an extra taste of the banana.
5. ALWAYS swallow, whats the point in all that eating if your gunna be bulimic and spit it all out. Ridiculous.

Jess this blog is so disgusting and it took me a good hour to get the balls (no pun intended) to actually post this so hope you like it doll. Ill see you for your nine o clock practice appointment on Friday! :)

Dont drink and text!

The morning after a big night out you usually wake up smiling if its been a good one. Well, i wake up smiling and then my stomach drops as all the dumb shit i said and did comes flooding back into my memory. Some one should seriously take my phone off me when im drinking. Better yet, i should just not take it out. In one night i can use up all my free minutes by bombing people with calls and send messages that no one can understand. Last night im pretty sure i topped it off with a message i sent to someone and when i read it this morning i cringed it was that lame. Wont go into details but it was meant to be mysterious and sexy and just sounded bloody stupid.

Anywhoo just a quick blog to say that if your ever out with me, dont let me use my phone unless we are lost. I think i have a problem.

The sex files.

Sex in the city. Kamasutra. Adult sex toy shops. Jersey shore (oh yeah!), Hoes in gangster video clips. American pie. Promo girls at a race track. What im trying to say is, sex sells.

So this one time at band camp... Shit where do i even begin. I could go on and on about this topic all night but i guess ill pick the juicy bits out and see where it takes me.

I guess ill start with foreplay just to ease you into it. My first real kiss was when i was thirteen and had totally scored myself the hottest boyfriend in a musical i was doing. (First sign) I had, had a crush on him for the entire show and when he finally found out and asked me to be his girlfriend i was more than happy to say yes. He loved this one scene in the show where the girls had to wear one piece togs and the boys had to wear a tight lycra type jump suit which were considered togs in the era it was set in. (Second sign) He had such a memorable loud voice and i didnt get jealous when he ran up and wrapped his legs around the other girls in the show. (Third sign). The show finished and three weeks later he left me for someone else. A boy. All the signs were there i guess i was just blinded by those amazing kisses.

Sex was a big deal in high school for a number of different reasons. For girls it was all about who was still pure and innocent, for the boys it was who could make it to the finish line first. For me, it was about sitting in class imagining how i could make it big as a sex therapist. I think my group at school had a problem. We would sit in the design room and openly talk about disgusting shit in front of our design teacher (who would just put on a little smile and pretend he couldnt hear anything) and then when interval rolled around we would go up to the common room and talk about it some more.

Loosing those big V plates is a huge deal. To girls. To guys its the victory dance after winning a semi-final at league. The grand final game of course is the many years of sex to come with other different females and the victory dance doesn't take place anymore because its simply another notch on the belt. Theres no such thing as unattached friendly sex. Sure it can take place, but with rules. I call it the three no's. No cuddles, No kissing, No staying over. This then equals No attachment. Try to avoid any conversation that isn't about sex as well and your sorted for some sweet no strings love mac'n. Im not saying im all for this concept but hey we all have needs i suppose and those who dont have other half's just cant quite make do with the toys in their draw.

Theres really no structure to this blog. Just a sudden urge to dwell on this specific topic. Sex sells but it doesnt mean you should sell yaself to just anyone... Gotta make sure they have a sweet butt first :)

I would walk 500 miles

I woke up this morning with a sudden inspiration to become a fitness freak. Im not sure just how long this is going to last but im going to make the most of it seeing as i have a dancing show in less than a month with very important people coming to watch!

So, iv renewed my membership at my gym in Papakura. Yes i know. Papakura. For whoever knows where i live, they are probably thinking "Why, Rebekah, would you drive all the way to papakura for a gym?". Simple answer really. Loyalty. Creo are amazing and they treat me nicely, something i was deprived from in childhood (referring back to yesterdays blog).

Iv also come up with a rather strict food diet for the next month and gone and printed off a food journal just to take it to the complete nutty level.

So with the gym four-five times a week, dancing once a week and a food journal how hard can it be? Well... Hard. You see, iv done the motivating bullshit stuff, renewing the membership, typing out a template for my food journal, but now i actually have to get out of my warm bed and go and start putting those things into action. Maybe ill buy a pair of new sneakers to. Exercising is like studying. Its so much fun to get everything ready, to go out and buy your new trainers and running leggings or setting up a study time table and buying new stationary to make study notes look better, but when it comes down to the crunch of actually doing it, you find all motivation is lost. Well not this time. Because here is my motivation, shes gorgeous!

Theres ahh one tiny problem. I love alcohol. But thats not the problem, going without is fine. But when your friends are into peer pressuring and love getting rowdy just as much as you do then we have a situation. So if im drinking over the next month, (which i already know i am) then it'll be soda vodka and lime for me. Sorry wine, your time has come to an end. Maybe Spewey Dewey will vanish as well if i switch what i drink. (New Tui Billboard anyone?)

Im not putting a set goal of how much i wanna loose or tone up, im just gunna go hard and see where im at in a months time. Hopefully shaking my arse on stage and everyone screaming their heart out in delight and excitement, not terror and fear.

Now that iv told you i suppose i actually have to follow through with this plan of mine. See you later big macs, your off the menu for a while.